Talk:Precious/@comment-30921738-20191103051846

Ok um

I thought I commented but apparently I didn't.

It's a really nice story, paced well and written nicely. But there are severeal parts that are very confusing. Such as the soundproof room they were in. I wasn't exactly sure what was going on, it said they were in a factory at some point, then back in the room, and I thought it said that Gef went away but suddenly he was there again. Their conversation was also very confusing. Now, there are stories where the authors purposely keep some conversations mysterious for suspense and the full information is revealed later. However, no information was revealed afterward and it left the conversation confusing.

Another part was the beginning of chapter 4. I had no idea what happened and no information was revealed afterward about what had happened. Who was attacking then? Were they attacking someone else? Where did the cheetah come from and why did she kill a guard?

The point of view also changes several times before officially going into first person. I'm also still mot exactly sure where they are. Is it a prison? A military? Are they working with the phantoms or no?

Other than that, this was very enjoyable and exciting to read. I like the idea of Lelli being a strong warrior and her job is to kill, but she struggles mentally with taking lives. A very interesting concept that I find very enjoyable, and it makes it easy for your character to be strong but still have flaws and a conscience.

I also apologize if this comment came off as rude, I am just trying to helpful. I tend to be more of a critic on good stories like this where the authors understand what I'm trying to say better.