Talk:Burrow/@comment-27070860-20200209100128

Oo I really like this~! I catches your attention quickly from the start, establishes some decent background on the main character and their surroundings right away!

I really enjoyed reading Bliss’s introduction, and the first chapter was really good, but I’m quite curious about the mysterious car Evelyn ended up in. I hope you intend on explaining that in the rest of the chapters, because leaving it there unexplained would be a bit unfulfilling

Anyways, I’m going to be nit-picky but there’s a few purely grammatical errors, like ‘had a whole collection of her books were all tragic’, or ‘She had these ever since she was four, but after her mother's tragic death, when she was eight years old’, which I think you can easily fix by just re-reading your work a few more times

I want to congratulate you on writing scenes very well, though. I don’t have to fill anything in myself while reading them, I know exactly what each character is doing and why. That being said, you do tend to write very long sentences (I tended to do this a lot as well xp), like the paragraph where Bliss had an emotional breakdown and Liam and Lacey were cooking- I’d definitely cut it into two sentences to give the reader a second to breath (something like this; “She then had an emotional breakdown, and listened to the sizzling sounds of Liam and Lacey cooking. The olive oil rained from the top of the sickle frying pan, pouring down satisfyingly onto the platinum surface, and putting whatever was for dinner into the pan, making tiny dents on the silver palette.”- it gives the reader a place to rest and take in the first sentence, before going on to describing the food)

But that’s about it, and I’ll admit, I’m really invested in Bliss’s story now! I’d like to know what happens to her and her powers, so good luck writing the rest ^^