Talk:I'll have some soup with that, please ~ AJ Creepypasta/@comment-26510113-20151230185412

!! Keep In Mind This Is Constructive Criticism !!

This is an overall nice plot, but it could use a bit more descriptive words. It's a bit short and choppy.

Instead of "  She screamed as she was killed, and as her eyes closed, the last thing she heard was: 

''"And I'll have some soup with that, please." ''"

Maybe switch around some words so it's like:

She let out a horrifying scream as she was killed, her eyes slowly closing. She heard a sentence that rang in her ears;

"I'll have some soup with that, please."

And try and describe it with some advanced words, to give your story a bit more professionalism (I think that's a word?)

Describe her thoughts vividly, use strong adjectives, describe everything very clearly.

Hope this could help you!

barnxx