Talk:The Sinking Server/@comment-43788761-20191027155203

Instead of constantly interrupting the story with parenthetical bits that don't really add anything, try keeping everything in the third person (he/she/they). It lets  the reader understand the POV has shifted without being pedantic. The constant POV shift is kind of distracting anyway; having to go through a lot of 'oh, this is ___ now' every few paragraphs makes it less engaging.