Talk:Choking/@comment-30425714-20181021230344

doesn't tie much into animal jam, like some of my previous story

the inclusion of characters is the only connection

strong craft, just bad conventions; imagery is strong, although anatomy in this story has a few discrepancies compared to real life

greely is antagonized too much imo, what were his motivations for shoving that marble down your throat?

tbh tho this story could be extended more, since the plot is very shallow. this could belong in the resolution of a story

overall, not a story, more of a recall of events that would belong in a bigger story. strong craft, and looks promising

6.8/10 --captivating, but weak in story