An empty day

“That’ll be fifty gems” Sigurd announced, struggling to make his voice clear over the loud music filling the bar. The actress quickly pulled out a pouch of coins, before picking out fifty and handing them over. Carefully taking her coffee, she scanned the area for a free table, before finding one hidden away in the corner. At least she had a place to sit this time.

Amelia stared at everyone around her. The room was full of young, beautiful actresses and actors. They were all dressed in dazzling dresses and white plaid shirts- yet they all looked so lost.

She knew she had no right to judge who was lost and who wasn’t- that would have been horribly hypocritical of her. She too was lost and uncertain when she first began working in the industry- All she did at first was sit in doctor’s office dressed as a nurse, saying a total of three lines at most. Slowly yet surly she started getting larger and larger roles-

From a nameless nurse to an ill mother, to a rebellious girl, to the main star in an old Jammish TV show. From there she’d been asked to play roles in hit movies, been asked to come to a variety of events. She was once a star. Once.

Amelia frowned at her cup of coffee, happy to take her eyes of the bright, sparkly and monstrous jammers around her. Don’t get her wrong- she loved the new movies and the ideas all of these new actors bring to the table. She adored the works of Olive and Dakota, two felines who’ve promoted and showed their talent in plenty of movies and shows.

But none of that was for Amelia- she didn’t want to do what they did. Everyone wanted her to put on a blinding dress and say stupid and pointless lines. Everyone wanted her to speak nonsense into a screen. That wasn’t what she fell in love with.

She fell in love with the plenty of characters she learned to play- she loved their lives and simple plots with complicated backstories. She fell in love with their accents and thoughts. She fell in love with all of their stupid ideas and clever lines.

That’s why she didn’t want to play an empty character in a painfully nonsensical movie.

She took a sip of her coffee, feeling as the taste burned into her tongue.

She wasn’t sure if she wanted to do all of this anymore.

The fox ignored the jammers prancing around her, instead deciding to look over the pictures that hung on the walls.

The first painting showed a well-known actor- Graham -sitting by himself with a sandwich, looking like all hope has abandoned him. A famous director- If Amelia remembered correctly, his name was Cosmo- eating alone at a restaurant, staring at nothing. Peck, a comedian from about a decade ago, on the verge of tears during what seamed to be a private moment.

Sigurd said he placed these here to remind himself- and others- that anyone is sad, no matter who they are.

Sigurd was always strange like that.

Amelia remembered, back in the day when the bar wouldn’t be full of rowdy and loud jammers- nothing was rushed back then, nothing was crazy. It was all… calm. It was relaxing. The fox would often come after one of her failed (or sometimes successful) auditions and just chat with Sigurd until closing time.

Back then Sigurd had jammers come to him and speak their mind all day- the deer was a walking dairy filled with stories of many, many beautiful people. Nowadays, all he is a deer serving coffee and drinks at a loud and obnoxious bar.

“Amelia, how are ya?” a sudden voice called out, snapping the fox back into reality. It took her a second to realise who it was, before a large grin spread on her face. She watched as the young lynx slid into the chair opposite of her, sucking on the straw sticking out of her cocktail.

Amelia never really got along with younger and newer actresses- but her and Felicity seamed to have a connection from the very start. The fox admired the other’s devotion and work they put into their acting. They had a mutual respected for each other.

“Felicity, you won’t believe what they’re asking me to do. The last ten roles I was proposed- all of them were the same. I swear, I read through the script, read all my lines and even tried acting as each character- but they’re all the same. Each dialog is just the same words, just rearranged in a different order” the fox dramatically sighed, as the lynx chuckled.

“Everyone does that nowadays- you don’t have to like all of those roles. Mine are all the same; nothing new, nothing spectacular nor spicy. And yet I still do it” the lynx beamed, before taking another sip of her drink. Amelia groaned, rolling her eyes.

“But I’m not you” the fox muttered, laying her paws on the table, the grimace slowly returning to her face. Felicity furrowed her brows for a moment, before throwing her head back and laughing.

“If it pays the bills, give them what they want. If they want an empty and stupid character, then give them it. Sweetie, you can hate the role- but there are empty and stupid people out there. Try ‘n get into their minds, into their shoes and play them on a screen. It’s not that hard, honey” they continued, as the older of the two simply groaned into their hands.

“Whatever happened to Amelia? The dancing, singing fox? Whatever happened to the beauty that would prance her way across shows and movies all through Jamaa?” the lynx muttered. The nerve this jammer had. Amelia was tempted to stop them from saying anything more- the least she wanted right now was a reminder of her failing career.

“Whatever happened to Amelia, the fox that could speak in all the accents, the fox who could turn a show upside down? Whatever happened to the fox who walked through Jamaa Township as everyone bowed down to her? Mother told me I could be just like her, Father promised me I’d be just as amazing as she was. ‘Mother, I wish, I wish I could be like her!” the lynx wasn’t lying in the least. They remembered watching one of Amelia’s movies at six years old. They remembered watching her after school. They remembered her movies as a relief in-between all of the lynx’s exams during university.

It’s because of the fox, that Felicity started acting in the first place.

The lynx looked at the fox, who was slowly hunching forward, trying to curl herself into a ball. Felicity loved Amelia’s movies, because the characters were always amazing. They were bouncy, they were fun, they were over the top and entertaining. Seeing the fox like this, uncertainty and nervousness in her eyes. Fear, out of all things fear was there too. It pained Felicity that Amelia didn’t believe in herself enough. The lynx knew Amelia could easily turn one of those lame characters into a bubbly and loud star, or an emotional and beautiful jammer.

She did it plenty times before, so the lynx knew Amelia could do it now.

“Whatever happened to her beautiful, silky fur? Whatever happened to her voice made of golden strings? Whatever happened to her blinding smile?” Felicity continued, as her eyes scanned the inside of the bar. Several new movie posters were hung on the walls, the older movie advertisements sticking out from behind.

“Is there no one left to care about what really happened to Amelia?” the lynx murmured, as the fox shivered. Felicity grabbed Amelia’s paw, and the fox looked up to see her sad smile.

“Whatever happened to Amelia? She hadn’t grown up, she’d just had gotten older. She’d slowly faded away, faded off of the walls and posters. Her face slowly shaped itself into countless new actresses and actors.”

Amelia knew all this. She knew she her time was already coming to an end. All she was doing at this point was grabbing desperately at this ledge. Grabbing blindly at anything that would keep her in this industry, anything that would let her fall in love all over again.

Fall in love with another character, fall in love with another story, fall in love with another personality. She wanted it so badly.

“Amelia waited for the big day. The big day all the papers talked about, the big day that never came” Felicity summed up.

Amelia nodded blankly, not really listening at this point.

Why was she in this bar? She didn’t belong here. These weren’t people she belonged with. She wasn’t here talking with Sigurd. She wasn’t here laughing about all the stupid things her friends pulled on set. She wasn’t having fun.

She wasn’t in love with acting anymore.

She wondered if she’d ever be placed in the gallery next to the lonely actor, director and the rest of the photos Sigurd hung up there. She wondered if anyone would care enough about an old star falling out of love. She wondered if her bittersweet story was good enough for any of them.

Amelia’s eyes finally met Felicity’s, and she stared into them for a longer moment.

“I don’t think I belong here” the fox whispered, as Felicity frowned.

Amelia smiled faintly at her friend, before freeing her paw from the other’s grasp and standing up.

I don’t love this anymore

The fox quickly picked up her cup, not even caring to drink the rest of her coffee before discarding it into the bin.

I can’t bring myself to love it anymore

Amelia slipped out of the building, ignoring Sigurd’s ‘see you later’, desperate to escape the loud bar.

She couldn’t wrap her head around it.

The years of acting,

The hundreds upon hundreds of characters,

The millions of stories she’d shared throughout her career,

She didn’t love any of it anymore.

She started to question if she ever did.