Talk:The Forgotten-A Creepypasta/@comment-28284319-20150427192849

Honestly, this is good. I'll just go through this.

Now, this story has a bit of the 'Lost Episode' element...The author had a friend who worked on the game/show set. This is slightly cliche, but does not detract from the story too much.

Now, the name of the server says 'Hell'. If the guy wanted to show kids what the Golden Jackal could do, why would he portray it as a hellish creature? Couldn't he have put in the images, disabled everything except Jamaa Derby, and left it? This is yet another cliche, along with the blood red color you describe the floors to be.

Otherwise, this is a good story! I would rate it 6/10. You definitely shouldn't try to be a published author yet, like AJrox says, but with some work you could write professional stories and maybe one day become an author. Maybe you should consider entering in NaNoWriMo if you really would like to improve your writing skills! Have a nice day!