User blog:SmoothCoffeeAJ/Preview of 'The last hurrah'

I'm afraid my writing's too consice and not the best style. I think it may be a little rushed. I was hoping for some criticisim on my work, I'd like to know what you guys think.

(The prologue will explain more)

'Chapter one:

Graham had narrowly escaped with his life when the phantoms came into the meeting room. “I knew it was foolish to meet up.” He muttered.

The other alphas had attempted to fight back, only thinking they’d give up after a few swarms. By the time they were thinking of evacuating, it was too late-

But Graham had other business to attend to. He didn’t need to cling to the past at the moment. Although it was true, he didn’t have a lot, he had a plan, at least. He continued to walk.

“Royal ridge residency, Coral Canyons.” He noted. “This should be the place.”

Coming to the pleasant little cottage, he knocked on the door. “Avalon, pal- Are you alright?”

A small, light red owl opened the door and appeared quite happy to see him. “Graham! What a pleasant surprise!” He chattered brightly. “Do come in.”

Moments later, the two were talking quietly, nestling in the warm and inviting cottage.

“Avalon, you are one of the wisest I know. I need your help to bring the other alphas together.”

Avalon looked up in confusion. “Pardon?”

“I need your help bringing the minor alphas together.”

Avalon shook his head. “I’m afraid I cant do that. The last time we met up- Let us just say we had a few… complications.”

“Yes, I understand, but you must get past that.” Graham said. “This is serious business.”

Avalon sighed. “If it is for Jamaa. Just brace yourself.”

Graham knew he had a lot of work ahead of him.'

If you could offer some tips that would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks-

SmoothCoffee