The Terror Tale

Why hello, weary jammer...

Tell me, do you like stories?

Oh, you do? Heheheh...

Comedy stories? Romance stories? Adventure stories?

Ohh... But you fail to mention the type of story trainee, the very type of story I am known to tell! HORROR STORIES.

So tell me, do you like horror stories, jammer? Do you like stories so terrifying, that your blood turns to ice in your veins? Do you like looking at your stories, through half closed eyes, covered by your fingers, while your heart tries to claw its way out of your chest, pounces off a rib, and falls directly out your bottom?! Nooo?

..Then leave this cursed township! Because as SCARY as everything I just told you was, IT WAS NOT EVEN ONE OF MY TERROR TALES! IT WAS MERELY A REGIONAL TERROR ADVISORY! RUN! ..Wait! Come back...

You need not be afraid...

Yet.

For I haven't yet told you a TERROR TALE. One of which will start momentarily. So be afraid! Move over master of horror, IM STILL ALIVE... Get out of my way, master of puns, Shystar! There's a new king in town. THE HORROR CORE! And his reign of WORD TERROR starts NOW!

* creepy/cheesy sound effects begin to play*

But first, a warning... Do you being TERRIFIED, jammer? Good. Do you like five alarm chili? Oooh... Then you must not listen, for my terror tales will surely make you SOIL YOURSELF! That's right! Muhuahaha!

Hold on... The moderators are calling. They want me to tell you that the smell you phoned them about is coming from ''INSIDE YOUR OWN PANTS!! GET OUT OF THE PANTS!''

BUT IT WAS TOO LATE!

The End, of that horrifying, but still preliminary terror tale...

...

I must warn you, my terror tales have been known to cause heart attacks. Why?

 BECAUSE THERE ARE PHANTOMS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!

...Alright. Shake it off... The scaring is over.... For now.

On an un-terror related note, there's something I forgot to mention. When I told you about the Phantom, it scared you so bad, THAT YOU DIED! AND ARE NOW A GHOST! Also, WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU!?? WHO?

Oh, it's just someone drinking a bottle of sparkling wate- OH WAIT IT'S FMAN122!! Where did he get the sparkling water? Why is he drinking it? WHERE ARE ALL THE PHANTOMS?

I know the answer to one of those questions... AND THEY'RE STILL ALL RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!

... Now, my first terror tale is obscenely, needlessly, terrifying, even by my impossibly high standards of terror. To cite just one example, after he heard the first word of the grim narrative I was just on the verge of revealing, JULIAN2 was taken to the hospital. That's not Julia2, some fangirl, either... This is THE Julian2 we're talking about! And if it scared THE Julian2, who eats rares and craps haunted spike collars, then frankly my friend, I SHUDDER to image what it will do you YOU!

I fear that perhaps I have scared you too much, too quickly. It's like throwing you into the deep end of a pool, WITH NO LIFEGUARD ON DUTY!

But then, oh thank goodness, here comes a lifeguard... But wait, does he look familiar? Well he should. IT'S LEGENDARY HOLLYWOOD TRIPLE-THREAT, WRETCHEDJUNGLE!!

ACTING, DIRECTING, WRITING, BUT NOT SWIMMING!!

EVERYONE knows WretchedJungle can't swim!! What monster would hire WretchedJungle to be a lifeguard?! Does this cursed wreck-center not have any lifeguard hiring oversight committee!? IT DOES NOT!!!

No, dear jammer. I've reconsidered telling you the particular terror tale I was planning to begin telling any moment now. Why?

BECAUSE I'M NOT EVEN HERE!

YOU WENT INSANE DURING MY WRETCHEDJUNGLE LIFEGUARD STORY!

YOU have been preparing to tell yourself a terror tale THIS WHOLE TIME! The only thing that isn't a figment of your imagination, IS THIS TALE!

 Because I AM real!

TEERRRRRORRRR TWWIIIIISSST!!!!

The terror tale in store for you comes from the amazing far-future of scaring, where you'll be frightened in ways that until moments ago seemed IMPOSSIBLE. In fact, it's SO terrifying, I must begin with a less scary warm up story.

If I were to throw you face first into the NINE HUNDRED MILE-AN-HOUR HELLRIDE OF MY REAL TERROR TALE, without warming you up first, you'd be going from an idle state of terrorlessness, to a SHRIEKING NIGHTMARE OF SOLID, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT TERROR, ALMOST INSTANTLY!

It would be the equivalent of going from seeing ZERO fman122s, to SEEING A THOUSAND FMAN122s AT ONCE!

Are your eyes deceiving you? That's when you reach up to your eyes, and realize... THEY ARE ALSO FMAN122S!!!!!!!!!

But first, the final warning of the terror tale, that will shortly be occupying the space in your ears, where these words are now... Everyone who has listened to this tale while playing Animal Jam, HAS DIED mysteriously... The only clue was that their hair had turned SNOW WHITE. THEY DIED OF FEAR!!!! ..or possibly premature hair graying I'M NOT A DOCTOR!!!!!

I do work part-time for the Jamaa Postal Service, though. My supervisor asked me to give you this change of address form, because your new address IS THE CEMETERY!! BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN BURIED ALIVE THIS WHOLE TIME!!!

I DONT EVEN WORK FOR THE JAM-A-GRAM OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!! MUHUAHAHAHAHAAAHAAA!!

...OH MY PANTS!!!!!