FMAN's Hackery - Now Open!

Below is the amazing tale of how a has-been hacker named FMAN rose to stardom, then fell back to the bottom of society. It's rather tragic.

The Tale
One day, FMAN was sunbathing in Crystal Sands when a random penguin approached him. "Hey, look, it's FMAN!" FMAN was astounded - someone had remembered him! Ever since the Lost Jammer took his place as most popular AJ hacker, it had seemed as if no one remembered ol' Effy-Man.

FMAN was about to greet the Jammer happily when the penguin started laughing. "How does it feel to be a big loser has-been, eh, F?" he asked. Heartbroken, FMAN decided to pack up his things and leave.

The wolf hacker walked to his apartment in misery, thinking of possible ways to save his hacking career. Instantly, a thought appeared in F's head when he saw a billboard. "Haircuttery Now Open!" it read, and it gave him an idea.

"What if I made my own billboard...and made it say Hackery Now Open? I could become a businessman, open my own business and rise to the top of hackerdom again!" FMAN said aloud. One of the other tenants, an Arctic Wolf, looked at him in disgust. "I'm trying to think!" FMAN shouted at the wolf.

That night, FMAN got to work on building his new billboard. He hacked into Jam Mart Furniture's archives and collected all kinds of art supplies. It took him until 1 AM to paint the board, but he was very proud of the finished product. He admired the painted text, "FMAN's Hackery Now Open!"

FMAN's plan was coming into play, but now he had to find somewhere to hang his billboard where everyone in Jamaa would see it. "I'm sure some doofuses in Jamaa Township want to become hackers, so I'll hang it there."

FMAN superglued his billboard to the door of Club Geoz. "No one goes into Club Geoz, so this is the perfect spot! Now all I have to do is wait..." FMAN said to himself as he walked back home.

Soon FMAN's apartment building was flooding with hopeful, currently unemployed Jammers. "We want F! We want F!" they chanted. FMAN opened the door of his apartment and the Jammers rushed in.

FMAN decided to make up a system for who to hire: only Jammers with spiked collars would be able to become hackery employees. In the end, he had hired exactly ten employees, all of them being sketchy Arctic Wolves who had scammed others for their spikes.

"Scammed for those spikes, huh?" FMAN asked his employees after finding this out. The Arctic Wolves looked nervous. One said, "Uh...we didn't mean to scam 'em, we just-" until he was cut off by FMAN.

"I like the scammin' type. You've all earned yourselves $50 raises for scamming those Jammers!"

The Arctic Wolves celebrated and nabbed their raises directly from FMAN's new cash register. "Why don't you just pay us in advance, best boss ever?" asked the scammerwolves. FMAN did not see anything wrong with their proposal, and paid them each $1000 for their first weeks.

"Thanks, has-been!" shouted one wolf. He then ripped off his fur, revealing that he had been wearing an Arctic Wolf suit the whole time. It was the penguin from earlier, laughing yet again.

FMAN screamed as the rest of the "wolves" took off their costumes. They were all identical copies of the same penguin, laughing in synchronization. FMAN continued screaming...and screaming...

The End