Talk:The ice - Animal Jam Creepypasta/@comment-43836919-20191118205730

Hey!

This is alright for your first creepypasta, although I'm not sure it's very scary to me. I read a lot of horror books though, so I can't compare it to that :) seriously good job! I can tell you probably worked hard on this. Here's a few things you can work on:

1. Don't use that much unecessarry gore. That's something that I noticed. It's not a bad thing; however if you use it unwisely the story can seem not as good.

2. Don't repeat words four times in a sentence.

3. Check out some tips on websites!

4. Make sure it's realistic. While it can't be TOO realistic, I'm just so grateful that you didn't put Greely's nametag as red and being glitched. That's another thing that ruins the creepypasta: as it's unecessarry. And possibly gory. And unrealistic.

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I'm very sorry if this came off as rude or anything, because that's totally not my intention! Lol, it's not like mine are scary either ;)

Anyway, good luck with making more in the future!