Thread:Safetystoryluv/@comment-39615662-20191020151905

Okay, so I'm not trying to come off as rude here or anything. I'll try using full grammar for the entire message just so I don't sound like a hypocrite. Anyhow, this is just constructive criticism. I repeat 'constructive criticism. 'You were wondering about your stories, yes? Not getting many comments?

Okay, so what I think you're doing wrong is two things:

1. You have way too many stories. Not saying it's a bad thing, but like you have so many and they aren't necessarily very long. Your longest story (and correct me if I'm wrong) is only six chapters ("Precious ", I think). You tend to finish stories very fast. Since you finish them so fast, they are not actively showing up in the Recent Wiki Activity because you finish them fast and then move on to something else. Like, one day the entire Activity had your name for 4 different stories, and then the next day it also said your name but for four new stories. I think if you try doing one story at a time, and work longer on one project, it's only a matter of time before people notice it.

2. Your writing style. Okay, I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but your stories all have the same.... basic tone to them. Like, for example, here's an excerpt from your story "Online Dating":

'She went to Jamaa Township. She was looking for a boyfriend because she liked dating online, for some reason. But that was bad, and she didn't care, which was worse. In all caps, hopefully Lily put: "My den if you like me! BOYS only!"'

Like, it's extremely informal (with the use of 'for some reason', and the sentences are choppy. The words are very basic and low-level aswell, like simply saying 'that was bad' and 'she went'. Try being more creative with your sentences; I find most of your writing has the same, dull style to it. Brighten it up! (suggestive exclamation, I'm not mad lol) Here, if you want you can change that statement to something like:

'Eager and awaiting her 'boyfriend', she circled her way down to Jamaa Township. She took enjoyment in dating other users online, despite her age and her consciousness telling her it was wrong. But did her consciousness stop her? No, no, of course not. Lily proceeded to mash onto her keyboard, "My den if you like me! BOYS only!" She silently watched as numbers appeared on the den icon, a content grin on her face.'

Doesn't it sound a bit better?

DISCLAIMER: If you think I'm only picking on you because I hate you or something (which I don't fyi) then you're wrong because I seriously want to help you get more comments on your stories. I'm not trying to say I'm a better writer than you are, because I'm not and I suck at everything so, err, yeah. Sorry if anything comes off as rude because that's not my intention whatsoever.

Goodbye. 