User blog:Heartylover15/I'm tired.

Hi.

You might have seen me before.

I'm Hearty.

I try to be happy as much as possible. I'm constantly trying to make others happy as well. I strive to do well in everything I do. I am utterly obsessed with Harry Potter, and am a Huffleclaw, or a Hufflepuff and a Ravenclaw combined. I like reading and writing and acting and singing. I am always enthusiastic around friends, but when I'm not with friends, I am on my Chromebook. I also occasionally enjoy coding. I'm Hearty.

And I am broken.

Nobody has to read this, in fact, nobody should read this. I just need this here so when they say, "You didn't say anything." I can say, "I did say something. I said so much. It's not my fault that you were too high on your pedestal to hear me when I was trying so hard to be heard from down below."

I'm tired.

I've been tired for months now.

I've been tired for years.

But, actually, I'm not tired. I'm utterly exhausted. Too many lines are blurred, things that shouldn't be so unclear. Things that should be so distinct, so... there. Sometimes I wonder if the lines even exist there at all.

I'm mentally exhausted. I can't make sense of the thoughts that come into my head, I can't seem to comprehend these things that should be so simple.

I can't.

And the thoughts constantly swirling around my mind are taking a toll. My anxiety is growing. My stress is growing as well. My depression is getting worse then I thought it could be.

I can't even bring myself to mention everything else.

It's not only a mental battle.

It's physical as well.

I feel like I'm constantly fighting to stay on my feet. I'm always trying to fight myself to not just collapse and give it all up.

And it's so hard. So, so hard. I can't take it.

I just don't think I can fight for much longer.

I've been fighting the war for years, and I've slowly been losing all this time. The harder I fight, the worse the darkness becomes. I sometimes think that I've already half given up. That the darkness has already half taken over me.

Sometimes I just lose it. Sometimes I lose myself completely to the inkiness.

I'm always trying to be a perfect angel.

I don't want to be an angel anymore.

I don't care.

Goodnight.

MAybe I'll share more tomorrow, but for now, I'm trying to get back as much life as I can.

No, this isn't fake.

This is as real as I am, though sometimes I'm not so sure about me.