Talk:The Lost Jammer/@comment-39615662-20190704152432

here we go, here comes who you all despise- me

alrighty, righty. this is constructive criticism:

Um, I just have to say that if you wanted to end the story with an eerie, ominous feeling then you should have made it longer. Since it ended so quick, the story seems shallow and you don't understand the point of the story or the message of it.

Like, for example, if you read The Giver, then you know that it's about 200 pages. Through these 200 pages, you get attached to the main characters; Jonas, Gabriel, and Fiona. However, at the end the story ends very eerily and lets you try to think of your own ending. Lois Lowry managed to make it eerie because of the readers being attached to the characters and knowing their personalities. When this happened, I don't think anyone really cared about what happened because we weren't exposed to their personalities. The characters were just random people to us with no meaning.

2. I think you should have tried to make the Lost Jammer become transparent, but state it in a metaphorical way like:

''"And faster than a blink, the Lost Jammer faded to a wisp, and only a memory of him follaged through my mind." ''

So, yeah. Since you said, "he really did become transparent", it really made the whole story lose feeling.

I'm sorry if any of this sounds rude, because that's not my intention. I don't know who made this, but the story is getting a lot of criticism so that's probably why he/she isn't showing themselves.

Anyway, I just wanted to help you if you ever write another story with an ominous ending. I, like many others, agree that this story is pretty basic and a lot of other stories out there don't have enough recognition.

Like, I'm not even kidding. Some amazing stories go unnoticed and nobody reads them at all. (I'm not talking about mine, lol. Mine are usually noticed by some people.)

But this? I know that most of these comments are criticism, but other people deserve recognition for their amazing stories.

This kinda depressed me thinking of people waiting to get their story recognized, but... they never do.