Talk:The life of a chemist kid/@comment-31473471-20191031120243

This is pretty good and actually has an a decent plot so far. Maybe improve on your grammar a bit and such and maybe try to drag out chapters a tid bit more. You can do this by a concept i call show don't, which is basically just describing the place with vivid detail. Heres an example. Instead of Billy went to supermark it couldve been "School had finished, Billy and his siblings trotted along the cold, grey concrete path. They walked and walked avoiding cracks as if it were a game. Soon a two large automatic glass doors slid out to welcome them into the eneromous building. Isles and Isles of food, treats, and other items line up like soldiers marching. Another chore in their new adult life was to be completed, weekly shopping. Billy soon jogged across the white and grey checkered floor soon sliding on its polish and he excitedly grabbed an old must trolley." It sounds a lot more nicer and you get a better idea of the world they live in.