Talk:ORANGE SPIKES... ORANGE SPIKES.../@comment-27070860-20171210194427

(If you don't mind, I added this to the WIPS category)

This seems like an interesting idea, I'll be waiting for your next update-

But I do have some advice here- in your first chapter, (the intro one) you seem to just mash everything together-there's so much happening at once. You're trying to find a trade, you get an overtrade, your friend's quitting, you’re screaming and crying; it all happens in four lines. I would stretch that out a bit, maybe add a little bit more detail (explain how the trader looked, why your friend quit, quite frankly you can write anything, just snatch the reader’s attention with it. That’s the whole point in writing creepy pastas).

Also, I personally think that in a creepy pasta, you should ‘show’ the character a bit more, make us like them (or despise them). Good creepy pastas work because they either have a creative, shocking plot, or have a main character that’s very well developed - they work because we worry about the main character, relate to them or just feel for them.

Here it feels like everything is being thrown at you from the start- I can't feel bad or feel scared for the character if I don't care about them.

The ‘blood’ though- the bloody spikes, the bloody eyes, the bloody items. Those are usual props used for these sorts of stories. I’d recommend that, for any future creepy pastas, to stay away from a lot of blood and ‘evil spikes’. Make something original, make something nobody was expecting. People like being surprised- they don’t necessarily want to read the same thing over and over again.

Although I really appreciate the fact you continued the story after the protagonist logged out of aj after seeing the bloody animals. It bothers me when stories just cut off after that part.

Good luck with continuing it ^^