User blog:Kat2wind2archer/How do you say 'Visit Me' without sounding too desperate

“Home?”

“Yes?”

“…long time no see, ey?”

“It’s only been five years”

“…I keep forgetting that what you see as ‘years’ is what I picture ‘minutes’ to be”

“Yes, it does get quite confusing to keep track of every second and sub-second of the day ''and night for millennia on end. But you'll get used to it. It’ll eventually come as easily as breathing”''

“…yeah, though I still haven’t grasped that either…”

''“What? Breathing?”''

“Well, you’d be surprised how weird it is to… be able to adjust your heartbeat? …Like, whenever I want to? It’s cool and quite useful, but it really screws with my breathing. And organs in general. I also keep forgetting to slow it down while sleeping, and I wake up tired and sweaty”

''“…’Earth’ keeps changing languages. I can hardly understand the words you’re speaking”''

“…oh yeah, how do you know what I’m saying anyway? Where you… born on earth? …very long ago?”

''“ ’Born’; such an… unpleasant word. No, my beginnings didn’t happen on earth. I’ve only been here for the last three thousand years- when humans became more interesting than the bugs I was observing on a previous planets”''

“Bugs?”

“I can’t think of any other words from your vocabulary that would describe such a creature. ''Most were larger than me by tenfold. They were truly beautiful and plentiful. They were the most intelligent beings in that cluster of universes- “''

“Cluster of universes?!”

“-yes, cluster- remind me again, how long have you been a Spirit of Stars for?”

“Five years”

“Ah, then you’ve only counted this universe’s stars, am I correct?”

“I’m only halfway through counting them all”

''“Ah, then you’ll be done in another year and a half. It gets easier. Once you live another twenty years, you’ll be able to count all of the planets here in under one earth-day. And if you survive to your sixties, you’ll be able to count every comet and moon in under one earth-hour!”''

“Every moon and comet?”

''“Indeed. Now, going back to the insects; they kept me company for a good ten thousand years, before I started to get bored of observing them. Their culture was very interesting, full of battles and wars over cloud deities and rock sculpted leaves. They established quite the language, too- they used their antennas to communicate in something equivalent to your ‘Morse code’ system, only… way more advanced”''

“That was a nice way of saying we suck”

''“Exactly. Anyhow, the insects were interesting and self-aware, though I seem to have discovered them too late. When I got to them, they were more blood thirsty and aggressive than their previous generations. Their local star started growing larger and larger, burning most, if not all inteligent life off of the planet's face. The only ones left were the bugs I talked about earlier. That’s around that time that I stumbled upon them. But with each generation their planet was dying even more, and so was their intelligence; before I knew it, what was once a powerful and knowledgeable society turned back into a bunch of overgrown bugs without morals or culture. If you lose your morals and culture, it’s the end for you. There’s nothing left for you but to just waste away in that pathetic little body of yours. And one day; one day I have no doubt that this planet will die in a similar way. That’s why I advise you to leave as soon as you count all of this galaxy’s stars. Getting attached to plants and their inhabitants is a nasty habit”''

“…is it really that bad to fall in love with a world? Do you really find it revolting to have a soft spot for an ‘earth’? Do you really hate all of these… Lives, so much? These tiny miracles? Because that’s what they are; lives that weren’t born as itsy bitsy bacteria, but as… humans”

“…at the start I might have felt a little… repulsed by the thought of attaching myself to a ''certain… ‘place’. But the older I got… the less disgusting it seemed. To be honest, it wasn’t… ever disgusting. It was terrifying. Listen, when you reach a certain age, you realise that you can’t ‘have’ a ‘place’. You can’t have your own planet, can’t own your own galaxy. Because all of those things don’t belong to you. They never will. They belong to the universe, and the universe does whatever it wants. I’ve learned that everything eventually dies. It dies, it falls apart, it re-builds. But it never returns to its previous state. The planet at which I was, how do you say it? Ah yes, the planet I was ‘born’ on doesn’t exist anymore. It was swallowed by a star destroyed by other stars which were devoured by black holes that broke it apart and never put it back together again”''

“…you’re awfully lonely, aren’t you?”

“Yes”

“Will you remember me when I die?”

“I highly doubt it”

“Oh”

“Indeed”

“So, you… don’t have a special little place? Somewhere where you can feel happy or safe?”

“No”

“…”

“…”

“Home, is that where your name comes from?”

“What do you mean?”

“…Do you only feel comfortable around yourself? Do you… feel at home only around yourself? Are you your own home, Home?”

''“It’s… much more complicated than that. But given the limitations of your human tongue, I cannot explain it to you in great detail. Maybe… maybe in a few years. Maybe when you’re old and stiff and wobble around like the other old humans do, maybe then I’ll explain it to you. But for now, you’re too young. Don’t think about it. If you think too hard you get very lonely”''

“…Are you very lonely, Home?”

“Yes”

“…Home, would you mind if I tried not… making you lonely?”

“Yes”

“Why?”

“Because you’re a human- just because you chocked on a ‘spirit of stars’ doesn’t mean ''you’ll suddenly live forever. You’ll live another hundred years- maybe double that if you’re really lucky. But, uh- what was your name again?”''

“I’ve never told you it yet. It’s-“

''“E, I’ll call you E. E, you’ll die one day. Your lifetime is like a blink to me. You’re here, and in a moment you won’t be here. You’ll die, E, and you’ll leave me alone. Maybe- just maybe, I’ll find myself smiling for that blink of an eye, but I’ll be back to searching through galaxies as soon as you disappear. It’ll only make the rest of my pitiful life even more miserable, because I’ll just be chasing that feeling I had for a blink of a second. But I’ll eventually forget it, because that’s what I always do. I’ll realise that that feeling was make-believe, a trick of the mind. I’ll realise and go back to the only thing that matters”''

“…what matters to you, Home?”

''“…Humans… from what I observed, greatly value their lives. They don’t know why they exist, and yet they play around until their bodies rot. Humans are born to live until they can’t. I, on the other hand, am a five. Fives are born to die. We’re born to find another five and kill them. It’s the only escape. Life, for a five, is absolute misery, E. Our main goal in life is to escape it. But each five is as equally pathetic as the other, lusting over death and desperately trying to find the one that’ll cut our heads of and swallow our hearts”''

“…do you really wish for death that badly?”

“Yes- I have for quite some time now”

“…can’t I kill you? Not that- no, no I’m not saying I want to kill you, I just- why go through all the trouble of finding another five to kill you?”

''“…that’s just how it is, E. It’s a law of the universe. Just like Earth’s apples fall down towards the ground, just like Essica’s trees hang from the clouds-“''

“Trees? Hanging from clouds? That’s… physically impossible!”

''“…you humans really do think highly of yourselves, don’t you? Not everything out there, in that occupied void of emptiness, is the same as what you see on this pretty little planet”''

“…So, you… literally can’t be killed? By anyone and anything other than another five?”

“…”

“…will you answer my question?”

“…I’ve heard… of a few incidents, were a five… threw itself into a black hole, because it ''couldn’t stand living anymore. But… nobody really knows if you actually die. As far as we’re aware, you might just continue to live in that black hole until your mind and body just stop altogether. You might just end up stuck inside, ripped apart into a million little pieces and yet your still there; you still feel every single little piece of you being ripped apart over and over and over again until you just can’t help but stop thinking, and your reality narrows itself down to the never-ending pain that you’ve brought upon yourself. Finding another five is just… safer. The outcome is always sure; one will die, another will live. That’s just how it is”''

“…that’s terrifying, Home’

“I know”

“…Home, is there anything I can do? I’m aware I’m an irrelevant tiny spec amidst your ancient life, but… is there literally nothing I can do to ease your pain?”

“No”

“Would you… be happy if you found someone who can live by your side for millennia?”

''“No- no, listen E, listen closely; just be happy. Treasure this tiny earth while you still have it. Treasure your little feelings that cause you to make little smiles. Treasure your little friends and little families until you physically can’t anymore. The point in your life is to live happily. You’ll live happily. All intelligent beings exist to live happily. Fives are the sole exception; we find happiness in death. Every creature chases their happiness. Go do that, E. Go be happy, okay?”''

“…okay. Go be happy, Home”

''“…I will, eventually. Thank you for your company, E”''

“…will you come back to earth during my lifetime?”

“…Maybe”

“I hope you will”

“I probably will”

“Good”